addicted to
i'm not here to win
i'm here to leave a legacy
it's the passion that drives you
endorphins
pain
exhaustion
chasing this insane dream
perfection
tagboard ;
guestbook
somehow my soul feels so empty nowadays. i don't know what it is, but i just feel like there's something amiss. putting on the mask of a plastic-stretched smile is so tiring :(
53 days. then anxiety-inducing, hair-tearing exams again. then the "final" stretch before the "final" race. inverted commas cos life's a constant struggle. made up of infinite races and tests and trials where i'm going to be judged and ranked and made to feel like a miserable piece of crap.
suddenly i realise how much more serious the outcomes of exams are compared to the outcomes of races. i really wonder how i used to stress more over races than i did over school tests.
i am so stupid. it's so depressing having to accept that even after all the shit hard work i'm still just as stupid. why do i even bother to dream knowing that all those things are out of my reach? the dreams feel so superficial anyway, because if i had a choice i wouldn't want those things.
i just want to be happy and actually look forward to living each day with purpose and meaning. "just" is misleading. this is something that i could very possibly never achieve in my entire life. which once again is so (#*&#$ depressing.